


Worth The Risk

by GothicPrincessWitch



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Awkward Flirting, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Feels, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Matchmaking, Mutual Pining, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPrincessWitch/pseuds/GothicPrincessWitch
Summary: The man has frozen mid-step toward the counter, slowly removing his aviators to stare at Fenris with a look of breathless awe.There’s so much intensity in those golden-brown eyes that Fenris has to tear his gaze away. His face feels warms, and he tells himself it’s because he’s flustered. Which he is. Of course he is. He doesn’t like being the center of attention, and the way this stranger looks at him makes Fenris feel like he couldn’t possibly fade into the background.And furthermore, he is stunningly good-looking. Perhaps, if Fenris were pressed to admit it, the most handsome man Fenris has ever laid eyes on.





	Worth The Risk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scatteringmyashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatteringmyashes/gifts).



> Thank you for believing in me, friend! <3

Fenris sighs to himself while he works, efficiently measuring out syrup and espresso before frothing milk for the cappuccino he’s crafting. Mornings are always busy at the terribly named yet well named “Just Brew It” Café in Hightown, with a long string of customers needing their caffeine fix to start the day.

Busy is good. Busy keeps him moving, keeps him occupied, keeps his mind off things.

But now the morning rush is dwindling, and although there are still plenty of customers in the café, it’s slowing down enough for Fenris to be able to think about things beyond his immediate tasks as a barista. Things he doesn’t want to think about.

Fenris forces his polite customer service expression to remain on his face as he pops a lid onto the caramel cappuccino and, with a low murmur, hands it to the waiting customer. As soon as that’s over and done with, however, his fake smile fades, and he’s sighing again. Last night’s conversation is already replaying unbidden in his mind.

It’s been approximately six months since Fenris arrived in Kirkwall, and he’s finally settled into a good routine. He’s gotten himself an affordable, barely bigger than a broom closet studio apartment. He has a decent job at Just Brew It Café, and he limits his social life to dinner a few times a week with his friend Sebastian Vael. His coworker Isabela frequently invites him out for drinks, and Fenris always declines.

That’s it. That’s all he needs. Don’t take risks. Don’t make changes. Keep a low profile. It’s the only way to stay safe.

However, Sebastian disagreed when Fenris came over for dinner the previous evening. Sebastian is a very important friend -- the only friend he’s ever had -- and Fenris values his opinion greatly, but... But this is as close to a normal life as Fenris will ever get. Fenris does not need more friends, and he certainly doesn’t need Sebastian to arrange a meeting with a potential friend or-- or more. Having more people in his life means being more open, more vulnerable, less safe.

Fenris can’t have that, and he can’t risk that. He simply is not meant to have more friendships or relationships of any kind.

But Sebastian is concerned that Fenris is too closed off and lonely -- which is admittedly a valid point, but not one Fenris is willing to concede aloud. Therefore, Sebastian is bringing a friend to the café to introduce to Fenris.

And of course Sebastian has planned this set up for Fenris’s place of work so that Fenris cannot run away. Fenris called him out on that immediately.

Despite Fenris’s initial protests, he finally agreed to give this meeting a chance, if only to assuage Sebastian, and he has no plans to communicate with this person any further. _Don’t take risks,_ he reminds himself.

Sebastian and company should be arriving soon, Fenris realizes when he checks the time via the clock on the wall. One last dramatic sigh escapes his lips as he resigns himself to this inescapable social interaction, and he adjusts the hair pins he borrowed from Isabela, which are keeping his salt-white bangs out of his face while he works.

The shop door opens, and Fenris’s heartbeat starts racing as an almost panicked impulse of running away after all comes to him. He’s mapped out every possible exit pathway in the café, and he reminds himself of them hourly -- just in case the worst happens and he needs to flee.

But Fenris wills himself to calm down when he sees Sebastian enter, and his friend’s amiable smile prompts Fenris’s face to smooth back into his customer service smile once again.

“Good morning, Fenris,” Sebastian calls out.

“Hello-- _oh.”_ Fenris’s greeting is cut off by the sharp hitch of his breath when he sees Sebastian’s companion.

The man is quite tall -- more than six feet, Fenris surmises -- and very big and bold. The café seems to shrink around his formidable presence, and he stands out even more with his obnoxiously bright, cherry red motorcycle jacket. This overdone sense of style appears to extend to his personal grooming as well, with a meticulously maintained beard and the kind of artfully disheveled black hair which Fenris suspects took far more time to do than necessary.

And the man has frozen mid-step toward the counter, slowly removing his aviators to stare at Fenris with a look of breathless awe.

There’s so much intensity in those golden-brown eyes that Fenris has to tear his gaze away. His face feels warms, and he tells himself it’s because he’s flustered. Which he is. Of course he is. He doesn’t like being the center of attention, and the way this stranger looks at him makes Fenris feel like he couldn’t possibly fade into the background.

And furthermore, he is stunningly good-looking. Perhaps, if Fenris were pressed to admit it, the most handsome man Fenris has ever laid eyes on.

“Fenris, allow me to introduce to you Garrett Hawke,” says Sebastian, breaking the silence at last. “Hawke, this is my very dear friend, Fenris.”

It’s as if Sebastian’s words have broken some kind of spell, and Hawke becomes aware that he’s staring. Immediately his dropped jaw smooths into a cocky grin, and he leans against the counter in a rehearsed “nonchalant” pose.

“Hey,” says Hawke, and his voice is rich, oozing with charm. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Fenris feels even more flustered.

“You know,” Hawke continues, “I came here for the coffee, but seeing you woke me up better than any espresso.”

“And here I thought you came to meet me,” Fenris deadpans, belying the rush of his pulse.

“True,” says Hawke with a shrug, “but I’d have come sooner if Sebastian had mentioned how incredibly handsome you are.”

Fenris looks down, his cheeks burning, and a soft chuckle escapes him despite himself. Quickly he tries covering it with a cough. His eyes flick back up to discover Hawke’s cocky expression has melted into a softer version of that wonderstruck awe, along with a faint blush.

Out of the corner of his eye, Fenris glimpses Sebastian hiding a grin with a fake cough of his own.

Taking a deep breath, Fenris makes a feeble attempt to come to his senses and barely manages to get out the words, “Do you... want coffee?”

“I would love coffee,” Hawke responds with as much seriousness as though Fenris had asked him to affirm his deepest-held beliefs.

“Oh. Good. What coffee do you want?”

By this point Isabela has come over, and she and Sebastian are whispering to each other with matching gleeful grins as they watch the unfolding scene.

“What do you like best?” asks Hawke, doing a much better job than Fenris at acting like this is a normal conversation.

“I just like regular coffee with milk and sugar. Nothing that exciting.”

“Then I’d love to try that.”

Thank the Maker that ringing up and getting Hawke’s coffee gives Fenris an excuse to turn away from Hawke’s intense gaze -- as well as from Isabela and Sebastian’s knowing looks. Then he takes a moment to curse silently as he realizes he put the coffee in a mug rather than a to go cup, inevitably prolonging this meeting. How much more flustered is he going to become?

“So tell me about yourself, Fenris,” says Hawke casually.

Apparently a hell of a lot more flustered.

“I, um-- My name is Fenris. I work here.” Fenris desperately trails off with a shrug.

“Well, Fenris, let me say once again that it is a very, very great pleasure to meet you,” says Hawke with a smile that once again takes Fenris’s breath away.

 

=====

 

That evening, when Fenris stops by his friend's for dinner, Sebastian has a very knowing smile on his face. Fenris knows the question that's coming. He dreads it and braces himself for it with a sip of his wine while Sebastian dishes out pasta for each of them.

"Well?" says Sebastian almost smugly. "What do you think of Hawke?"

Lowering his gaze away from Sebastian to the plate before him, Fenris focuses on stabbing at the pasta with his fork and taking a bite in order to avoid answering immediately. Sebastian's smile only widens as Fenris takes a few more bites.

"He is... an interesting man," Fenris murmurs at last. It's the truth. Hawke is very interesting. And also very handsome and ridiculous and he makes Fenris laugh far too much and causes a fluttering sensation in Fenris's chest which Fenris resolutely does not want to think about.

"Thank you, for introducing us," Fenris adds on softly, against his better judgement.

Sebastian's expression turns even more pleased.

Fenris scowls at him.

 

=====

 

**Group Chat:** _Garrett Hawke, Isabela Rivaini, Merrill Sabrae, Varric Tethras, Sebastian Vael, Aveline Vallen_

**Garrett Hawke:** What the hell, Sebastian? Why didn't you tell me the truth?

 **Sebastian Vael:** Whatever do you mean?

 **Garrett Hawke:** You said he was lonely. You said I'd be doing you a favor. You didn't say he was the most drop dead gorgeous man in Thedas!

 **Garrett Hawke:** Isabela, you told me he was lanky! You didn't tell me how incredible it is to talk to him!

 **Garrett Hawke:** Or that his hair is so soft and pretty or that when the light catches his eyes they gleam like peridot jewels.

 **Garrett Hawke:** Or that he has the most amazing laugh I've ever heard and the most beautiful smile and voice."

 **Sebastian Vael:** So I take it you like him, then. ^_^

 **Aveline Vallen:** Oh, Hawke.

 **Merrill Sabrae:** This is so sweet!

 **Varric Tethras:** I need to start recording all the details of this.

 **Isabela Rivaini:** This is going better than I expected.

 **Garrett Hawke:** I like him. Very much. I can't wait to see him again.

 **Garrett Hawke:** And Sebastian and Isabela, I feel personally betrayed that the two of you didn't introduce me to him sooner!

 **Isabela Rivaini:** Can you blame me for wanting the view all to myself?

 **Isabela Rivaini:** To be fair, I've invited him to join us at the Hanged Man every week. He always says no.

 **Merrill Sabrae:** He sounds very dreamy! When are you going to see him again, Hawke?

 **Garrett Hawke:** I'm going back to the coffeeshop tomorrow.

 **Garrett Hawke:** I think he might be The One.

_Several people are typing..._

 

=====

 

The next day, just as the morning rush is ending at Just Brew It Café, in walks Garrett Hawke once again with that distractingly red motorcycle jacket and his aviators pushed onto his head. Hawke grins when he spots Fenris and gives a little wave, and Fenris can feel the corner of his mouth turn up into a half-smile in response.

"You came back," says Fenris, stunned he's able to hear his words over the thundering heartbeat echoing in his ears.

"Are you surprised?"

"A little. I thought... Did you like the coffee that much?" Fenris says oh-so-eloquently.

There are these crinkles around Hawke's eyes when his smile softens, and Fenris tells himself there is no reason to be so fascinated by them. He drops his gaze down to his hands, the white markings standing out against his brown skin.

"The coffee was wonderful," Hawke responds with an almost shy little laugh. "I'd be happy to be come back every day to see the coffee."

Fenris's cheeks and ears are burning, and he tries to hide the smile that's blossomed across his lips with a fake cough.

"What coffee would you like today?" He can hardly believe he managed to get the words out with how flustered and off-kilter Hawke makes him feel.

"I would love to have a pumpkin spice latte and a cream cheese pastry," says Hawke smoothly, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets to find his wallet.

Fenris raises an eyebrow slightly and says, entirely without thinking, "Not what I expected."

"Well, I am Fereldan, so naturally I love cheese."

"I meant the latte," Fenris mumbles as he rings up the order. "You seem like the type to try to impress me by ordering an espresso and drinking it straight black."

 _"Would_ that impress you?"

"Not really."

"Oh good, I can't drink coffee without milk and something sweet in it, and the pumpkin spice latte is, besides delicious, perfect because it's very sweet and also spicy. You know," Hawke adds with a wink, "just like me and you."

Fenris blinks, incredulous. "I'm spicy?" he asks dryly.

"More like you're really hot!" exclaims Hawke with another very cheesy wink.

Face turning beet red, Fenris huffs a laugh of surprise despite his embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself," Hawke apologizes. His face is lit up with glee as he pays for his order and stuffs an extra large tip into the tip jar.

"Try," says Isabela with a groan as she passes by with a tub full of dishes, and Fenris chuckles again.

When Fenris hands Hawke his pumpkin spice latte, Hawke's warm, golden eyes linger on Fenris, and the way Hawke looks at him steals his breath away and stirs his heartbeat.

"Enjoy your coffee," Fenris murmurs breathlessly, ducking his head shyly yet again.

 

=====

 

Hawke continues to return to the café each weekday morning Fenris works. Every time, Hawke greets him with a big smile and a ridiculous joke at which Fenris can't help but laugh. Soon Hawke starts drinking his usual pumpkin spice latte at the counter in order to keep talking to Fenris, and this change feels natural, expected, something to look forward to, not awkward like Fenris would have thought.

Hawke's visits become something that brightens Fenris's day. When the clouds of the past, of his fears and anxiety, overshadow Fenris's mood, Hawke's arrival is like the sunlight dispersing those clouds, with Hawke's smile brightening everything in its path.

Although Hawke's favorites are the cream cheese pastries, he's always willing and eager to try the café's other baked goods at Fenris's suggestions, and Fenris begins choosing the best pastry to set aside for Hawke each morning. His chest feels light as he selects one he thinks Hawke will enjoy, and his face feels warm as he anticipates Hawke's delighted expression. And yet somehow Fenris's imaginings are never quite as good as the real thing: the way Hawke's eyes soften like twin pools of melted honey, with an equally gooey smile on his face as he thanks Fenris.

Fenris soon learns that Hawke switched to a later shift at his job, in which he does stock work at a grocery store, in order to have time to drive up from Lowtown to Hightown and back. All to come to Just Brew It Café. Fenris is surprised to hear this. For one thing, there must be decent coffeeshops down in Lowtown which would be closer and more convenient for Hawke. And for another thing, with how conventionally attractive Hawke is, Fenris had rather assumed he worked as a model or something similar.

When Fenris admits this aloud to Hawke, Hawke blushes and looks away with a flattered, albeit shy smile lighting up his face.

"Ahaha no, nothing so glamorous," says Hawke, somewhat nervously. "Money was tight when I was young, between losing my dad and bringing the family to Kirkwall as refugees, so I started working instead of finishing school, and I just... ended up stuck there all these years since, I guess."

He's avoiding looking in Fenris's direction as he speaks, his fingers tapping the sides of his mug and fidgeting, and Fenris realizes that Hawke is afraid of Fenris judging him and disapproving of his humble origins and status.

_If only Hawke knew._

Brushing a stray strand of his white bangs behind his ear and tucking it back with a hair pin, Fenris shrugs and says, "For what it's worth, I didn't have much of a conventional education either, and here I am, working in a humble café. I see no point in trying to live one's life based upon any other's expectations but one's own."

Visibly relieved, Hawke's grin returns. "That's a pretty positive outlook, Fenris."

Fenris can't help but scoff and laugh wryly at the notion of _him_ being positive.

"So you're not from the Free Marches either, are you?" Hawke asks. "How did you end up in Kirkwall?"

Freezing suddenly, all words dry up on Fenris's tongue. This is why he didn't want to meet Hawke or any other friend in the first place: because he cannot risk revealing the truth about himself. A tremor runs through his branded hands involuntarily, and he hurriedly hides them behind the counter.

Realizing he's fucked up somehow, Hawke starts to apologize, but Fenris shakes his head. Part of his bangs come loose from the hair pins to hide his lowered eyes.

"I... needed a new start in life. A clean slate," he murmurs at last. It's not a lie.

"Well, whatever brought you to Kirkwall, Fenris, I'm very happy that you're here," says Hawke, his voice and expression full of so much sincerity.

A faint blush blooms over Fenris's cheeks, and he gives Hawke a tiny half-smile.

 

=====

 

One morning, before Just Brew It Café has opened, Fenris hums thoughtfully to himself as he stocks the display case with the café's array of scones, muffins, cookies, pastries, and other baked goods. _Which of these might Hawke like today?_ Fenris ponders the answer while meticulously arranging the chocolate-dipped madeleines next to the stand of rosewater macarons.

"So when are you going to give me the dirty details about you and Hawke?" Isabela calls out from where she's working to put the café's chairs in their proper places.

Fenris is startled enough that he nearly drops a blueberry scone. "There are no dirty details to tell," he insists, sending a half-hearted glare in her direction.

"Not even a kiss?"

"It isn't like that between us..."

Isabela rolls her eyes. "Fine, keep fooling yourself."

"I will, thank you," he deadpans.

Eventually he decides on a palmier for Hawke, and he selects the one with the best looking layers of rolled pastry and the most sparkling smattering of sugar atop it. Setting it upon a small plate, Fenris places the palmier in a safe spot behind the counter.

"Oh, he's going to love that one," Isabela remarks when she sees it.

Fenris hopes so. It's always the highlight of his day to see Hawke's reaction.

Today Hawke arrives at his usual time, punctual as ever, and greets Fenris with his usual exuberant charm, and Fenris is determined to ignore Isabela's words from earlier as he says hello to Hawke.

He prepares Hawke's pumpkin spice latte while Hawke tells him about his day, and then he pulls out the plate with the palmier pastry for Hawke.

"I thought you might like to try this today," says Fenris.

Hawke gasps. "It's a heart!"

"What? No--"

Holding the palmier at heart-level above his chest, Hawke gleefully exclaims, "I heart you too, Fenris!"

It's as if all the air in his lungs has vanished, his face and whole body aflame in embarrassment, as Fenris hastily stammers out, "It-- It's a palmier. They're shaped like palm leaves. Hence the name. Not, not a heart. It's not a heart."

He dares to glance at Hawke only to discover Hawke smiling at him with shining eyes.

"It's beautiful," Hawke says. "I love it."

Fenris's heartbeat pounds within his chest like the crash of thunder.

 

=====

 

Fenris had already been on the run for three years when he first came to Kirkwall. Escape had become his only purpose. Running from Tevinter. Running from his past. Running from _him._

Kirkwall was never supposed to be more than a pit stop, a place to catch his breath for a few weeks and hope he'd lost his pursuers. Fenris was _tired_. Sleeping at bus stations, sneaking onto trains, hitchhiking -- all of it was becoming riskier and riskier.

And what kind of a life was life on the run? Not much of a life at all, really, although still vastly preferable to what he'd had.

He just... needed a break.

So he stayed in Kirkwall for a few weeks longer than he usually stopped in one place. He wore a hoodie under his jacket to cover his hair and the markings, and he blended in as just another homeless elf on the streets.

And then he met Sebastian Vael.

Cold, wet, and shivering, Fenris had taken shelter from a rainstorm in Hightown's Chantry cathedral. He'd huddles in a pew, trying not to drip onto the stack of missals and hymnals, and there was Sebastian, with kind eyes and a gentle smile, who approached him with a towel and a blanket to dry off and warm up.

"Would you like to light a candle to the Maker for what troubles you?" Sebastian asked.

A huff of bitter laughter escaped Fenris. "I doubt the Maker listens to the prayers of those like me," he replied dryly, "and a candle won't solve my problems."

"Very well." A nod. "Of course, prayer isn't an instant fix," said Sebastian, his manner no less kind, "but sometimes it can help to know we're not alone."

Fenris's only memories of not being alone were of being with Danarius. Since running away, being alone meant safety and freedom, his own self being the only person he could trust and rely on. The only way to be completely alone was to keep running.

And yet Fenris was so tired of running and so tired of being lonely.

Therefore, he ended up staying and took the risk of accepting Sebastian's help and then friendship. He took the risk of being not quite so alone anymore.

Fenris has now been in Kirkwall for longer than he'd ever dared to dream, and he's built a small life for himself. But he's supposed to keep running. He's supposed to move on before Danarius catches up to him again.

And yet...

And yet looking forward to seeing Hawke every weekday morning gives Fenris a reason to get out of bed -- a reason beyong basic survival. When he goes to bed at night, the difficulty he has falling asleep is not as much from fear of pursuit any more but instead from thinking about Hawke. He lies awake remembering the way their hands brushed together when Fenris handed Hawke his coffee, and he brings his fingertips to his blushing cheeks and thinks about why such a brief, simple touch affects him this way.

He thinks about the way Hawke looks at him. The way no one has ever looked at him before. Hawke looks at Fenris as if he's truly seeing Fenris. As if Fenris were worth looking at. As if Fenris were more important than anyone or anything else in the world.

He thinks about what it would be like if he risked not being alone any more with Hawke.

Fenris knows -- well, not relationships, but he knows sex. He remembers being pinned down, hot breath against his skin, while wrinkled hands, harsh and greedy and demanding, grab at him.

But with Hawke, it could be different.

Fenris imagines Hawke's touch against him, as light and gentle and thrilling as when their hands brushed against each other over coffee. He wonders if Hawke's lips on him and beard tickling his thighs would fill him with a sense of giddiness and joy like the sound of Hawke's laughter does. He pictures Hawke's eyes soft yet heated like molten gold, looking at Fenris like he always does with adoration, not possessiveness.

Hawke sees him nearly every day and has never once pressed Fenris for sex or acted as if Fenris owes him for his attentions.

Could Fenris trust Hawke enough to open himself up to Hawke in this way? Could he risk the possibility of it hurting?

And what of romance?

Romance is something Fenris has never believed he could have. It's never been in the cards for him, never something he's even considered -- even when Sebastian wanted to introduce Hawke to Fenris as a potential romantic partner.

But perhaps with Hawke...

Ah, Garrett Hawke, with his charming grin and contagious laughter and delightfully ridiculous sense of humor. And that purposefully messy hair, cocky wink, and jacket equivalent of a red Ferrari. Yet all all that arrogance is faked to cover a softness, a vulnerability, a feeling of unworthiness.

Fenris wonders if this sense of unworthiness is why Hawke has not yet asked him out.

And he wonders, if Hawke were to ask, would he say yes?

Could he stay in Kirkwall longer to be with Hawke?

Could he allow himself to want to be with Hawke, no longer alone, no longer running?

Fenris lies awake and thinks about his answer to these questions.

 

=====

 

The very sight of Hawke walking into Just Brew It Café makes Fenris’s heart beat faster, and he ducks his head behind the espresso machine to hide his sudden blush and gets to work on making Hawke’s usual pumpkin spice latte.

“Hello, Fenris,” Hawke greets him with a grin, and Fenris can feel the corners of his mouth automatically curving up into a corresponding smile.

Fenris looks up at Hawke from beneath his long eyelashes and the curtain of white threads of his bangs.

“It is good to see you, as always,” says Fenris, for once daring to be the one who flirts first, and it’s worth it to see Hawke’s expression turn into the living embodiment of the heart eyes emoji.

They exchange pleasantries, inquiring about each other’s day, a normal, polite conversation which should not fill Fenris with as much pleasure as it does. But the beating of his heart, which hasn’t slowed for a moment since Hawke entered, gives him an idea, and he enacts it upon impulse.

Carefully twisting the large, round mug, Fenris attempts to make foam art in the shape of a heart in Hawke’s latte. Hawke has not pressed for anything, and yet he comes back day after day as if he’s waiting for Fenris to be ready to give him a sign. A heart is a sign, a symbol, of the way Fenris is finally beginning to admit to himself that he feels...

 _Venhedis. No._ This was a bad idea. He should not have attempted this. He has never tried doing foam art before, and it has turned out very poorly. The heart is lopsided, misshapen, and can barely be called a heart -- or indeed, any recognizable shape.

The blush on his face deepening, Fenris hurriedly covers the heart up with a mountain of whipped cream, which Hawke did not ask for, but he doesn’t seem to mind as Fenris hands him the latte. Their fingers brush as Hawke takes the mug, and Hawke pauses, his thumb caressing Fenris’s hand.

Fenris inhales sharply at the touch.

“Enjoy the coffee,” he says in a small, tight voice. He yanks his suddenly sweating hands back a little too quickly, accidentally causing the latte to splash onto the counter.

“Shit, sorry,” Hawke immediately apologizes, while Fenris mumbles his own apologies and, eyes glued to the spill and _definitely not looking up at Hawke_ , busies himself cleaning up. Fenris is certain that his face is as bright red as Hawke’s leather jacket.

By now a short line of customers has formed, so Hawke bashfully excuses himself, taking his latte to a nearby table so that Fenris can do his job. Fenris forces his voice to be steady when he greets the next customer to take her order.

Out of the corner of his eye, however, Fenris glimpses Hawke dipping one of his large fingers into the mound of whipped cream and bringing it to his mouth, sucking the dollop of cream off his finger with a barely audible pop.

It doesn’t mean anything. It can’t. He’s not looking at Fenris, and Fenris isn’t looking directly at Hawke. Yet it seems so _suggestive,_ and it feels... Well, it feels like Fenris has forgotten how to breathe. Which somehow he has. He struggles to take a deep breath.

“I apologize. Could you repeat that?” he asks the customer, since he hasn’t heard a word of her order.

When Fenris next dares to look over at Hawke, Hawke is staring at him. Catching Fenris’s eye, Hawke smiles and raises his coffee mug toward Fenris in salute.

 

=====

 

Hawke likes him. Fenris is certain Hawke likes him. He can't be misinterpreting Hawke's signals, can he? Or is he being foolishly hopeful?

Fenris likes Hawke. He really, really likes Hawke. The more he sees Hawke, the harder it becomes to hide this fact, to cover up his feelings like covering up a misshapen heart with whipped cream.

This isn't an easy admission. He's never been allowed to like someone. He's never felt anything like this before. He didn't believe he was capable of it.

And yet he does. He likes Hawke so much!

There's no one controlling Fenris anymore. He's in charge of his life now and of his decisions, and he can allow himself to feel this way. He can allow himself to act upon these feelings.

In the months since Sebastian first brought Hawke to the café, Fenris has gotten to know Hawke a little more each day, and somehow Hawke has seemingly fallen for the surface image of Fenris -- the blushing barista who giggles too much at Hawke's jokes. Would Hawke still like him, Fenris wonders, if Hawke saw who Fenris really is? Would he still look at Fenris as if Fenris were more brilliant than the most lustrous sunset? Or, if he were to find out the full extent of Fenris's past, would he see Fenris as anyone else would? As broken or damaged. Used.

Hawke is different, Fenris tells himself, and Fenris insists to himself that he does not believe Hawke's opinion of Fenris would change. Although perhaps that's just wishful thinking... Regardless, he needs to make up his mind as to whether moving forward with his-- his crush is worth all the risks.

 

=====

 

The following Monday afternoon, Fenris keeps watching the door for Hawke, and yet Hawke still hasn't shown up. Disappointment steeps through him. Did something happen?

Or perhaps Hawke became tired of him? Although Fenris has always been surprised that Hawke seemed to like him enough to return after Sebastian's initial set up, the notion of Hawke no longer wasting his attentions on him causes Fenris's heart to feel like it's sinking into his stomach.

It's no wonder Hawke gave up on him, Fenris tells himself. Hawke is handsome and charismatic and secretly a dork yet so very wonderful, whereas Fenris is... Fenris. The only thing special about him -- the brands -- were forced upon him by somebody else. Of course Hawke has moved on.

Regardless, Fenris feels as though he's been punched in the gut, and he's less responsive to Isabela's attempts at conversation than usual.

Fenris is busying himself bussing empty tables when the café door opens. Footsteps approach, and a familiar voice says, "Hey, I'm really sorry I'm late."

Relief surges through Fenris as he turns to see a very contrite, very tired looking Hawke.

"You're here," Fenris responds, oh-so-cleverly stating the obvious.

"I couldn't go without seeing you," says Hawke, but his smile has but a fraction of his usual brightness. "I didn't come this morning because my sister got into an accident, and I needed to be there for her."

That's not at all what Fenris expected to hear. "Is she hurt?" he asks.

"Is Bethany alright?" Isabela interrupts, her face drawn with concern.

"She's fine," Hawke assures Isabela before turning back to Fenris and repeating, "She's fine. She's OK. It was nothing too bad. She's just really shaken up because, you see, our brother died in a car accident a few years ago. So I needed to be there for her."

Fenris is filled with the sudden urge to comfort Hawke, but he doesn't know what to do or say.

"You don't owe me any explanation, Hawke," he replies. "Of course your sister is more important than coffee."

Hawke laughs, a soft, wry chuckle instead of his usual boisterous laughter. "Well, it is very important coffee. Um. Can I get two lattes to go? I need to get back to her."

"Yes, certainly." Fenris sets down his tub of dishes and heads back behind the counter, with Hawke following.

"Tell Bethany I'm stopping by to see her later," Isabela says to Hawke, who nods.

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that," says Hawke.

Picking up a to go cup from the stack, Fenris looks at Hawke, who's so worried and so considerate of his sister, yet he came all the way out here just to stop by...

Fenris knows. Hawke came here to see him. It's useless to keep denying that any longer.

Heart pounding in his chest because he knows, _he knows_ , that this is a terrible, terrible idea and that he should not be doing it and that he's going to regret it-- Fenris takes the marker from his apron pocket and writes his phone number on one of the paper cups. Then, beneath the phone number, he draws a little heart, which ends up looking a bit lopsided because his hands are shaking.

When he hands the finished pumpkin spice lattes to Hawke, he turns the one cup so that the number and heart are visible. There's a sharp inhale of breath as Hawke sees them.

"So that you can let me know if you'll be running late again," Fenris explains.

It's as if a switch has been turned on inside Hawke, and he lights up brilliantly. Those eyes of molten gold are shining like sunbeams of happiness, and when he smiles again, it occurs to Fenris that there is no smile in the world as perfect as Hawke's is.

Hawke keeps smiling at Fenris while walking to the door, and Fenris gives him a little wave goodbye.

As soon as Hawke has exited the café, Fenris feels the buzz of his phone against his hip. Digging it out of his apron pocket, he discovers a text from a new number.

_" <3 -GH."_

It's a little, lopsided heart, and Fenris's own heart leaps in his chest. His face feels so warm, his cheeks almost hurting from how big his smile currently is. He didn't know he could feel this happy, but it's so thrilling.

Hawke likes him! Hawke really likes him!

A second text joins the first.

_"Would you like to go on a date with me this Friday?"_

Leaning against the counter, Isabela says, "You're awfully red, Fenris. Need to sit down for a bit?"

"I'm fine," Fenris mumbles.

He unlocks his phone and types, _"I would like that very much."_

And then he presses _send._

 

=====

 

On the evening of their (first and hopefully not last) date, Fenris is nervous as fuck. But then Hawke arrives to pick him up, and it's just Hawke, with his charming grin, freshly coiffed hair, and easy manner. The same man who always looks at Fenris as if Fenris were the moon. As if Hawke were the luckiest man in all of Thedas to go out with Fenris. Sliding into Hawke's car, Fenris takes a deep breath, inhaling the spicy-sweet notes of Hawke's cinnamon and sandalwood cologne, and allows himself to relax just a little.

Hawke takes him to a small finer, and they huddle in a tiny booth in a darkened corner, Fenris sitting with his back to the wall and anxious eyes on the entrance just in case. But as Hawke leads the conversation, telling Fenris all about his sister Bethany after Fenris inquires after her, Fenris lets himself relax just a tiny bit more. When Fenris remains tight-lipped about his own family and personal history, Hawke doesn't press him for details, which is a great relief.

Fenris finds himself mesmerized by the way Hawke talks, the way he's so expressive, and the way his voice is so rich and thrilling -- the very sound of Hawke's voice filling Fenris with tingles.

And Fenris finds himself smiling so much in Hawke's company. Since meeting Hawke, he's smiled more than he ever has before, and it's because, as Fenris silently admits to himself, Hawke makes Fenris feel indescribably happy, happier than he ever dreamed possible.

It seems that Hawke is a classic romantic, taking him on the classic dinner and a movie date Fenris has only ever known about from fiction. After Hawke wraps his red leather jacket around Fenris's shoulders, they go to a small indie theatre, which shows old black-and-white films and serves gourmet popcorn and craft beer, and they sit together in the back row to watch classic romantic comedy _Sabrina_.

While on the screen Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart are dancing together in the indoor tennis court, Hawke yawns the fakest yawn Fenris has ever seen and, reaching up, oh-so-smoothly wraps his arm around Fenris's shoulders with a grin. It's such a cheesy and ridiculous move, and Fenris laughs with a little surprised scoff. He adores it just like he adores Hawke.

Nestled into Hawke's side, Fenris leans his head against Hawke's chest with a soft hum of contentment and slips his fingers into Hawke's. As Hawke brushes his thumb over Fenris's knuckles, Fenris allows himself to be comfortable and completely relaxed, just for tonight, drinking in the sense of comfort and grounding Hawke provides him.

At the end of the night, Hawke drops him off at his tiny apartment, and like a gentleman Hawke gets out to open the car door for Fenris.

About to slide out, Fenris looks up at Hawke, so sweet and adoring and sincere, who's treated this evening as though going out with Fenris were a privilege and an honor, who's treated Fenris far better than Fenris has ever been treated in his life, who fills Fenris with so much intensity of emotions...

And then impulsively Fenris half-stands, reaching up and wrapping his arms around Hawke's neck, pulls Hawke down, and kisses him.

Hawke tastes like sunshine. More literally, his lips and tongue taste like the salt and butter of popcorn and the floral hops of craft beer, but his kiss tastes like warmth and happiness and so much affection. Hawke's kiss fills Fenris with light and joy the way Hawke's presence in his life has.

And Hawke's hands on Fenriis's waist are supportive, not demanding, not pushing Fenris for anything he isn't yet ready for.

A lifetime of sheer bliss has passed by the time Fenris pulls away for a breath. As if he needs to breathe in air when he would gladly breathe in Hawke forever.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Garrett. I can't wait to see you again," says Fenris with a soft smile.

"I'm sure I'll see you for coffee on Monday," Hawke replies, appearing starstruck by that kiss, and he brushes his lips against Fenris's cheek before Fenris goes inside.

As Fenris locks his front door behind him, heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears, he can hear a very distinct and very excited "AW YEAH!!!!" shouted gleefully into the night. Fenris grins and laughs and leans against his door with a happy sigh.

This happiness with Hawke is worth all the risk. 


End file.
